Sometimes When You Talk I Want to Take a Pen and Stab Myself in the Eye

So I know you guys have been just as upset about Sarah Chalke being the mother from How I Met Your Mother. I also know that you were just as elated when it was revealed last week that she isn't and that another clue was given in the season finale on Monday. Phew. What a relief. Now we can move on with today's topics: More fun conversations/eavesdroppings (like bird droppings but funnier).

More Math
Girl A: "I don't do anything on time. I graduated high school when I was 17 and now I'm graduating from college early."

Me: Doing some mental math. Girl A is 20-years-old. She is getting her Asssociate's Degree. A two year degree. 20-17 =???. Hmmm.

Anatomy
Girl B: "I can't wait to have kids 'cause your boobs get really big."

Girl C: "They don't stay that way. They go back down."

Girl B: "What you can't keep them? They don't stay that way?!"

More Nutrition
Boy A: "Do you have any orange juice?"

Me: "Nope."

Boy A: "Why not?"

Me: "Because it's healthier to just eat the fruit than drink the juice. Juice is higher calorie."

Boy A: "Do you have any apple juice."

Me: "NO."

Boy A: "Why not? Juice is good for you!"

Me: "It's healthier just to eat the fruit. Any nutritionist will tell you that. Juice has more calories 'cause it takes more fruit to make one glass of juice and it doesn't have the fiber. I have an apple."

Boy A: "Well take the apple and make me some juice!"

Me: Glare. "Get in your car and go buy some juice."

Boy A: "I only drink natural juice. It's healthy for you I promise."

Me: "It's healthier than soda or something but it's still better just to eat the fruit."

When the juice argument was brought up later

Boy B: "What exactly is the Vitamin C content of Pimp Juice?"

Girl C: "I don't know, but it's very high in protein. That might be one of the grossest things I've every said."


Environment
After Boy A decides to drink some water

Me: "What are you doing? Why are you using a keg cup? Just use a regular glass."

Boy A: "Why?"

Me: "Because those aren't recyclable here so you'll just throw it away."

Boy A: "You sound like one of those eco-terrorists."

Me: "What?"

Boy A: "You don't know what an eco-terrorist is? They're those people that chain themselves to trees and mess with whaling boats and stuff."

Me: Incredulous look. "That sounds like something an anti-environmentalist would say."

Boy A: "OK, I don't really know what I'm talking about I'm basing all this off of Law & Order: SVU."

Relationships I Never Want to Have
Couple (Boy B & Girl C): Screaming something about berries in high pitched voices while clapping in unison and laughing at their own "hilarious" rendition of something no one else has seen.

Boy From Couple: "Have you guys ever seen that Starburst berry creme commercial?"

Me: "I think I just did."