I Got 99 Problems And A Bitch Is One

I can't lie I've been pretty frustrated lately. I'm not doing so well in Krav, I'm having boy troubles, I'm running out of money, I'm basically dissatisfied with everything. Admittedly, this is part of a cycle for me. Every few weeks I want to scrap my life entirely and start from scratch. The beauty of being so unattached to everything is that I am perfectly capable of doing so. I'm single, no children, no real reason to commit myself to anything I don't want to. That could change pretty soon here though. No I'm not pregnant, but I do need to be making some choices about my work life.

I have a third interview for the restaurant manager position. They want to go over details about the job to make sure it's something I can handle. I know I can handle it, I just don't want to do it. The only thing motivating me to accept this position is the money. I would have a respectable salary that would allow me to live comfortably for now and maybe even allow me some extra for travel and dare I say it, a social life. They are looking for someone who is interested in moving up in the ranks. They also keep insinuating that the staff will try to break me and intimidate me which doesn't especially make me excited to take this job. It's a little bit of a commute, about 40 mintues. I wouldn't have any health care for a year and even then I guess they set up some account that basically builds for the purposes of paying off medical bills. It isn't really insurance it's just a health care account or something.

I have also been contacted about one of the Americorps positions I applied for a couple of months ago. I would basically be coordinating a mentoring program for underprivileged children here in Charleston. It would be a year contract. I would be paid enough to be considered at poverty level. I'm not even entirely sure this would pay all my bills, but I would definitely enjoy the work more. It would also be much better for my resume in the long run than a managing position or a waitressing position. I would also be given a lump sum at the end to put toward my mountain of college loans. (Side note: the five and a half years that I spent in college struggling to pay my way through equates to just about one year at a Mormon private school in say, Virginia. Hmmm). This job also comes with awesome health care.

I never really thought I would be the type of person to have to think about this decision. I've always wanted a job that mattered, that made me feel good about contributing something. I just don't know if I have it in me to struggle financially anymore. I'm constantly worried about money and it's an awful feeling. If I take the Americorps job I'm not allowed to have a second job to make a little extra. I'm not even sure I can do freelance jobs because I can't have any income that needs to be reported on my taxes. It has to do with the benefits for the job and a bunch of legal stuff that I don't fully understand.

I haven't been offered the Americorps job yet so I guess I am getting ahead of myself. I'm just trying to consider if it's something I still want to pursue. Or rather, still financially able to pursue. It's a difficult decision. And boy troubles to boot.