BITCH FEST the newest Charleston festival

Let me just start off by saying that I consider myself a pretty good judge of character. I saw these little issues in Jamie's personality, that I ignored because of my desperate need to get away from "snow squalls."

Her dog peed on my bed the other night. It's a brand new bed. Now, I understand that stuff like this happens and I knew there would be a dog around, but literally I left my door open and room unattended for a minute and half and it pissed on my brand new mattress! I told Jamie and she said, "Uh, she just peed." Who the fuck else would have peed on my bed?! Are you saying I did it? Did you do it? OK then, the dog is the only one left. She eventually agreed to pay for it to be steam cleaned but offered this little tidbit of knowledge, "I mean, I know it sounds bad, but she's just marking her territory. I've researched it." I don't give a rat's ass why she did it. The fact is she did it. Realize your dog isn't perfect and do something about it.

The next morning I made myself breakfast and decided to watch some Planet Earth I had DVRed. Not one minute into it she started talking about how she finally realized The Hills is scripted and how upset she is about it. I mean they are literally talking about the extinction of polar bears and you're trying to talk to me about Brody Jenner right now? I like trashy reality TV as much as the next person, but come on. Then she sat down about 3 ft away from me and started making phone calls (cordless phone). She called her mom and several steam cleaners for quotes. Then her mom again. Then a steam cleaner again. She got off the phone with one of them and said, "That's a little ridiculous." I asked her how much it was. She said, "$220. I mean I bet your bed didn't even cost that much." I said, "Um, my bed was $650."

Moving on, our cable bill is $140. A little ridiculous and not really necessary since most of what I watch is available on hulu. Yes, DVR is nice, but just not necessary. She made me go down to the office and ask if we can have a satellite because she no longer communicates with our landlords. I came back with a sheet from our lease with a lot of fine print that says we can have one dish. She immediately called and canceled our cable and signed up with Direct TV without even consulting me. Oh wait, she did yell for me from another room (cordless phone) while I was busy to come in the other room so she could ask if I would be home Saturday morning for installation.

So then I get up this morning, make myself some nice delicious organic and fair trade coffee when Jamie comes in. Doesn't say good morning or anything she says, "We can't have a satellite. I just got off the phone with management and we would have to pay an extra deposit and set it up...blah...blah...blah. I was having nightmares about it all night." If not being able to get satellite television is something your subconscious brings up for nightmares, count yourself lucky. That is one cushy ass life you've got.

I pretty much stayed gone all day today until she left for work. I've actually started calculating how much it would cost me to move out early. She is easily one of the most selfish, spoiled, obnoxious people I've ever met.

She gave up soda for lent. Apparently she drinks a lot of it and it was very difficult for her. So difficult that she broke lent a week early! Wow, I'm really sure your sacrifice is completely comparable to Christ's sacrifice for your sins. What if he had said, "OK I'm ready to get down now," 3/4 of the way into being crucified? I'm not religious and didn't give up anything for lent, but if I felt the need to participate, I would for damn sure stick to it. I mean what the hell?

Now, I will say this about all of it: at least it gets me out of the house. I actually go out and do things I probably wouldn't do otherwise just because I don't want to be around her. And, if I'm going to have a moronic, selfish, bitch of a roommate at least it's somewhere awesome and gorgeous.