So I've gotten kind of a rep at work for dating people who have been to jail. It's a weak spot I have I guess. I tried to defend myself by saying that I kind of had a thing for bad boys that I wanted to help, but I'm over it now. Then someone brought up my latest crush and how I know him. I said something along the lines of I met him at my Krav Maga studio. He's one of the advanced students. At this point my guy friend started crying he was laughing so hard. I asked him if he was laughing at me. He was. I asked him why and he said, "So, let me get this straight. You've stopped dating guys that have been to jail and have instead moved onto an expert martial artist?" I kind of started laughing too and then he said, "I believe this is what is called an epiphany."
Well, regardless I do have a schoolgirl crush on this guy. I know very little about him, but have been caught staring at him several times and have had at least three short/awkward conversations with him. Including one unnecessarily long one about the little mini cooler he brings to class. It's turquoise with a magenta lid and yellow handle. I think it takes some balls to bring something like that into a marial arts studio. I'm not really sure where I stand with this guy, but he's still really nice to me even though he seriously has caught me staring at him, like, four times. And he's been coming to the bar I work at more frequently it seems. Anyway, I've slowly been collecting information about him via his high schoolmates that I work with, but I'm not sure what to do next. Yeah, I could just cut to the chase and ask him out, but let's face it, I would never do that. Instead, I figured it would be more fun to tell you all what's been running through my head and you guys can pick the best option.
1-So your last name sounds Polish, do you like pierogies?
2-Since your first name is Troy do you feel an obligation to only use Trojan condoms?
3-I really like your cooler. It looks like an 80's dance party.
4-As a landscaper, do you get a lot of cougars hitting on you? I mean like the old ladies not the animal.
5-Um, so staring. Creepy? Flattering? Where am I standing with this?
6-Hey, I noticed you drive an old school Chevy Blazer. Yeah, I used to drive an '89 Bronco so...
7-I noticed you got your hair cut a couple weeks ago. I didn't know if I should say anything, but I like it. Well I liked it, you should probably get another one now.
8-I've been having problems getting out of that backwards choke hold. Do you want to get together later and practice choking each other?
9-Um, I don't mean to be difficult, but you're actually really distracting when you're doing the demos with the teacher. I was wondering if you could possibly ugly it up a little bit? I mean, I do my best to look like shit throughout the class out of consideration for the other students and I don't think it's too much to ask for you to do the same. You know, like maybe don't wipe the sweat from your face with your shirt revealing your abs and so forth.
10-So you mentioned you live near my work. Where exactly do you live?
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4 comments:
I like number #3 and #9 :)
This is the funniest thing I've read in ages.
5 & 8 are my favorites, but going from guys with records to guys named Troy doesn't seem like that much of a step up. Back in 5th grade, we renamed a child that we didn't like Troy. We told him that Troy meant "land of the curly haired people". It was big insult at the time.
i can't stop laughing. i think you should just run down the list. they are all awesome. just give yourself time. i bet they will all come up on their own.
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