Essay Attempt #1

The essay should be critiqued using the following criteria:
1)states or clearly implies a thesis
2)organizes and develops ideas logically
3)clearly explains key ideas and supports them with details
4)uses sentence variety
5)effective use of language
6)generally free of grammatical errors

I usually have trouble with elaboration in particular as well as sentence variety so those points are most important for me to address. The essay is timed, thirty minutes from the time the prompt is read. Because the essay is timed, grammar needs to be close, not exact. So some spelling and minor errors will be overlooked. It will finally be graded from 0-6. So let me know what you guys think in the end.

Prompt:
Should people be allowed to treat their dogs like children

Everything moves so quickly in society. Kids are adults before you know it and responsibility is being put on them at a younger and younger age. Because of this need to achieve, careers are often made a top priority as opposed to marriage and raising a family as in previous decades. The average age for marriage is pushed farther and farther away as people pursue their career goals. Real human relationships are shied away from and looked at with more trepidation. Dogs are brought in to fill emotional voids and take the place of marriage and children. More and more dogs are treated as humans and are therefore being deprived of their very kanine essence.

Career tracts are being pushed on high school students nowadays. So much pressure is placed on teenagers and college students to pick a profession and pursue a degree and lucrative job, that emotional relationships are missed out on. All of a sudden people are found in serious relationships when they cannot behave seriously and responsibly. Dogs are brought in to test the bond between adults and to see if the dog can be raised properly before children are introduced into the picture. Why should a dog be subjected to irresponsible people any more than children should be? One of two things will happen: either the couple is irresponsible and the dog is neglected, or the couple starts treating like a child itself. In either scenario the dog suffers. Dogs do not need to be relied on so heavily. They are only pets, not magical relationship band-aids or little furry babies waiting to be taken to doggy yoga.

In the cases when people are so focused on their careers that they do not settle down with a mate at all, it is even more likely that a dog will be used to fill an emotional void. These are the people to really watch. They are the ones who dress their dogs up in little costumes and outfits. The ones who take their dogs on spa days and paint their toenails. Pet owners that subject their dog to such frivolity are simply looking for unconditional love. That is, after all, what dogs are known for. Unconditional loyalty and devotion are the two qualities that almost any breed of dog has. It is the human species selfish need for reciprocated love and blind obedience that drives them to adopt dogs as a child substitute. Children talk back, complain say, "I hate you!" A dog would never do any of those things to its owner. That is their appeal and why single people all over America use dogs for companionship.

Dogs are animals, not children. Most breeds are meant to be able to fend for themselves outside without clothing or elaborate dog mansions. They are supposed to run around in the grass, not be carried around in a Louis Vuitton satchel. Being coddled in the nook of your elbow, or by talking to them like you would another human being deprives a dog of its mojo. That is when dogs become spoiled and impossible for others to interact with it. The dogs are little figurines or prized possessions rather than an animal companion that it should be and inately wants to be.

More and more commonly dogs are used as little status symbols and for the filling of emotional voids in todays society. It not only deprives the dog of what it is naturally inclined to be, but it also prohibits people from forging true relationships and communicating with each other. Dogs cannot be children or buffers for ragged relationships. They can only be simple companions and that is all they should be.



Okay, so I ran out of time. That was a hard one. It took me a while to get going and then I had so much going through my mind I had a hard time articulating what I was thinking. I kept wanting to write about stupid people that let their dogs pee on other people's beds.

On a separate note, I'm happy with today. I bought a nice little gift for Stella and Danielle's birthdays (I hope they don't mind sharing it). I also finally found the recycling center! I kept reading on all these packages, "Recyclable if facilities exist." And I kept thinking I wish I knew if they did. I have literally been driving around for days with recycling in my car trying to find the center. I was starting to think it was an urban myth.

I started my new job today and I think I like it a lot. It's really relaxed and everybody seems pretty fun. I can be more of myself rather than feeling so uptight as I often did at other restaurants. So that's good.